Oblivious

I told the story recently of how it was that I woke to better understand the challenges that black Americans live with. After retelling it, I felt it should be reduced to a poem…

The death of George Floyd happened in a galaxy far far away. 

I was more aware of Luke and Leah's struggle than I was that of Freddy Gray

The ignorant things I wrote really set you off

Your anger made me angry and I was ready to write you off

But love would not allow that
 

I knew you

I respected you

We had history

I liked you

I loved you

And we were both angry

It didn't add up

I couldn't give up

I began to finally listen

I began to finally learn

I began to understand

I woke

Why Can't the Little Doubts Stay in their Place!!?

When I doubt one little thing

That little doubt whispers "If one thing might not be true what else?"

I start to doubt many things

There are things I want to believe badly but the doubts pester me incessantly.

I say shut up and hum loudly

Others criticize me that I listen to the doubts at all.

They say it's my fault for not having enough faith.

I recall the words:

I believe, help me with my unbelief.

The other's words and the doubts' pestering fades. I embrace Jesus and doubts together. This is how I roll. 

When We Assume the Other Person Already Knows

When we Assume the Other Person Already Knows

1. I know
2. I assume you know
3. I don't know you don't know
4. I don't tell you
5. You don't know
6. Problem
7. Oops
8. Repeat

 

Michael Tait

Recently Michael Tate came out as gay and admitted problems with drug and alcohol abuse and sexual harassment. I don't EXCUSE Michael for his harassing behavior, but there are REASONS for some of his behavior.

I feel sympathetic for his intractable situation. I can only imagine he felt trapped in his skin and trapped in his career. We have all seen the shame the church heaps onto LGBTQ Christians and non-Christians. For Michael confessing his authentic self would have risked his connection to his community, the respect of others, and his lively hood. Hiding his authentic self preserved all that but must have caused incredible mental and emotional stress that could easily make drugs and alcohol seem like an effective soothing, numbing option for coping. He was in a catch-22.

Too a far lesser degree, I understand Michael's challenge as I am part of the CSDT (Christian Skeptic Doubting Thomas) community. When I considered coming out of the closet in my skeptic free evangelical church as a CSDT, I was terrified to lose the connections to and respect of the community I had nurtured for thirty years. Yet I experienced anxiety, pretending I could not even spell the word "Doubt." We are inherently social creatures and there is little that drives our fear more than the potential loss of community and family.

As a Church we need to recognize the real pain we cause people in the LGBTQ community. That's not to say we must abandon theology or that experience trumps theology. But in our theology, we must fully acknowledge that our words have consequences, and we must consider that carefully as we seek to understand God's opinions.

The Perfectionist Who Loved Wood

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I am a perfectionist, and I love wood. You don't see the connection. Wood is anything but perfect and yet it is beautiful. Someday I want to see myself as imperfect yet beautiful.

I just finished building a bed for my daughter. The ornamental wood has history. Years ago, it was one of a handful of trees growing on our property, and every one of the years are seen in the grain. Through sweat, disappointment, tragedy, and success those trees were turned into lumber. I was looking at the six drawer fronts and fell in love, each one unique with its own beautiful flaws. There was insect damage, rot, knots, grain differences. They were larger than the boards I had so I had the join boards edge to edge to get them big enough, each puzzle assembled by imperfect hands.

Also, one of the trim pieces has begun to warp. I wonder if I can make it behave again with a well-placed screw, but then I think better of it.

I coated all that imperfection with stain that reminds me so much of honey that I taste a hint of sweetness on my tongue when I gaze at it. Three layers of urethane somehow reach deep into the wood and pull beauty up from within and fling it toward me.

I don't really understand how beauty and imperfection are so entwined. It seems they dance a waltz around the room. I ask beauty to dance with me too, but she refuses.

We also have wood floors. They don't look like when they arrived at our house. They are both more worn and more beautiful. There is a lot of patina where the sun spilled through the windows lighting up the foyer where little jackets were zipped up for little people running off the elementary school. There are worn tracks in the hall where kids and parents slid in their slipperiest socks chasing each other in endless circles. There are worn spots next to the counter where thousands of potatoes, carrots, and brussel sprouts were cut up to fill little mouths with nutrition. Memories of a beautiful family life have written their history deep into the red oak. Now as I walk around the memories seep back up and surround me like a cloud. No, these floors are not perfect anymore, but they are more beautiful than any floor an expert craftsman could lay.

I still don't really understand how beauty and imperfection are so entwined. It seems they dance a waltz across the floor floating from memory to memory. I ask beauty to dance with me. This time she says yes, but only if I let go of perfection to make room.

I don't like being corrected…

I don't like being corrected

But I love to learn

I don't like being corrected

But I Love to learn

I don't like being corrected

But I LOVE to learn more

I let the contradiction do the back stroke through my brain

I decide I will accept correction in order to learn

But who will accept my snarky expression to help me learn?

The Three S's: Skeptical, Sarcastic, and Cynical

Our pastor gave a sermon today. In it he was talking about the people waiting in the upper room. He surmised with one raised eye brow that there were no skeptics in THAT room, and punctuated it with "I'm just sayin." I was not offended, but I am definitely skeptical, so I took his comments negatively. 

Like many of my scientific pals, I embody the three S's

• Skeptical
• Sarcastic
• Cynical

Part of it's in my DNA and part of it is learned behavior from my church experience. But whether nature or nurture, that is who I am and it's not changing any time soon. 

Is it reasonable to say this is how you made me? At least I can say that who I am is a product of forces outside myself and my control. 

It seems that we who abide by the three S's are unfairly at a disadvantage in "entering the kingdom of God" or knowing You. You said that about the rich man, but I don't think he's the only one. 

What I'm hoping is that somehow you account for the personalities (you gave each of us) when you judge us in the end. What are your thoughts God?

Omit or Commit. What’s the problem?

What do You think, God? it's funny swimming in theologically conservative and progressive pools. To be honest it makes my head spin and I've only been in this place a few years.  I had this observation the other day and I wanted to run it by you. 

It seems that one way to evaluate to the conservative church and the progressive church is its focus on sins of omission vs sins of commission. It appears to me, that the conservative church is more focused on sins of commission and the progressive church is more focused on sins of omission.

When I identified as a conservative Christian, an evangelical, I focused on all the things I should not do. I could not

• Cuss
• Drink alcohol
• Sin sexually
• Have an abortion

The list is actually quite a bit longer but lets conserve ROM.

Looking at the progressive church, I see more concern with the things I should not ignore such as:

• Helping the poor
• Fighting for justice for various minorities
• Conserving the environment
• Driving a Tesla

This list is also much longer.

To be sure, the above items to avoid and the items to remember are all pretty good wisdom. All are very much in line with Jesus' teachings. But, for some reason, the two sides of Christianity have resonated with two different, yet both valid, parts of wisdom. So, do we actually have more in common than we realize? Perhaps we could even learn from one another rather than throw stones at one another?

It just seems like we should avoid doing dumb stuff AND do good stuff. Am I missing something? This is what I would like You do do for me. 

Help me not dumb stuff that hurts me and/or people around me, known and unknown. At the same time, help me do a bunch of really swell things that help other people flourish by sacrificing my personal power and resources to make that happen. And you know a lot of that won't be my first choice so I give you permission to push me as needed. 

I Thought I Understood Jesus

I've built my fifty years of life on a wrong understanding of Jesus
Turning back the clock and fixing that makes me anxious

I thought the way was music and lights

But now I think it's about life on life

I thought the way was a building rising high above

But now I think it's building up people in love

I thought the way was being color blind

But now I think it's empathy for the left behind

I thought the way was articulate LBTQ shame

But now I think shame never made anybody less gay

I thought the way was just hearing Jesus

But now I think i must be hearing his children too

I thought the way was theological certainty

But now I'm certain I need diverse opinions cuz I get a lot wrong

I thought the way was reading the Bible like a divine McMillan text book

But now I think it needs a new better look

I lost my home when the white American evangelical model no longer made sense to me.

It left me with nothing but Jesus. 

Conservative and Progressive Churches on Sin

Prayer

God, your Church is a bit odd to be honest. I have spent years in the evangelical church as a conservative Christian and now I identify as more of a progressive Christian. Having been in both camps, I made what I thought was an interesting observation about the two. What do You think?

Musings

One way to evaluate to the conservative church and the progressive church is it focus on sins of omission vs sins of commission. It appears to me, that the conservative church is more focused on sins of commission and the progressive church is more focused on sins of omission.

When I identified as a conservative Christian, an evangelical, I focused on all the things I should not do. I could not

• Cuss
• Drink alcohol
• Sin sexually
• Have an abortion

The list is actually quite a bit longer but lets conserve ROM.

Looking at the progressive church, I see more concern with the things I should not ignore such as:

• Helping the poor
• Fighting for justice for various minorities
• Conserving the environment
• Driving a Tesla

This list is also much longer.

To be sure, the above items to avoid and the items to remember are all pretty good wisdom. All are very much in line with Jesus' teachings. But, for some reason, the two sides of Christianity have resonated with two different, yet both valid, parts of wisdom. So, do we actually have more in common than we realize? Perhaps we could even learn from one another rather than throw stones at one another?

The Rabbits, the Fence, and the Farmer

There once was a farmer. The farmer had a garden. The garden had carrots. There was a mess of rabbits that lived outside the fence. Unfortunately, the farmer was a little lazy and he did not do a very good job maintaining the fence.

One day the rabbits got through the fence and began to eat up the carrots. They were very happy because there were not as many carrots outside the fence.

The farmer got angry, very angry. He got his neighbors together and asked them to help eradicate the rabbits.

But what was the problem? Was the problem the rabbits or the farmer? The rabbits were doing what rabbits naturally do. They try to survive by seeking out food that nourishes them. They live within their conditions. The farmer had the responsibility for the fence. It was his job to keep the rabbits from doing what they naturally do.

Similarly, who is the problem in the immigration situation? It seems that the US government failed for decades to pass the immigration reform to properly manage the border.  In the past four years, Biden ignored the border and Trump torpedoed the only legislation that was trying to help. Should we be surprised when the people outside the fence trying to survive try to get into the garden? Should we violate the human rights of the people that came in because we did not have a secure yet reasonable border? Or should the government take the responsibility for creating a situation that favored illegal immigration? In the United States we created a problem and are blaming the wrong people, it's the Farmers not the rabbits. Please don't hate on the rabbits.

Me, Myself, and Bob by Phil Vischer

I picked up this book because I listen to the holy post podcast and I have come to like Phil and the teams insights and because I loved veggie tales videos when my kids were growing up. Notice I did not say I was happy they loved the videos. I loved to have an excuse to watch them for my own entertainment. I knew big idea had gone bankrupt and there a story; I did not know how I would see my own story reflected back to me in those pages. It was weird. No, it was absolutely freaky. If you read this book and divide all the financial numbers by 1000, you know my story. I had considered writing my story one day, but maybe I will just hand out this book instead. 

• Phil talked about trying so hard, sacrificing so much, and working such long hours "knowing" that he was doing Gods work and it had to all pay off. He naively believed that God would surely step in and save Big Idea in the end, in His own timing (always on time, never late! we are taught!)
• Phil discussed how the business rose to a place of prosperity and acclamation only to crash under its own weight. 
• Phil talked about the incongruity of simultaneously thinking he was not good enough while also thinking he had the Midas touch. 
• Phil talked about trying so hard to preserve the company and help his people and yet, not only was his skill questioned, but his character as well, when the company imploaded. 
• Phil talked about hiring smarter people for lots of money that did not end up bringing the ROI he expected. 
• Phil talked about having too large a vision and pushing growth too fast. 

I could relate so exactly with all these problems. It was shocking to see myself though I felt better that I was not the only one that failed so badly. If you every failed in business (almost everyone in business) and you are a Christian you will find this book intriguing!

 

I Don't Wanna be a Yellow Snowflake

I float slowly from the sky

Will I land in a yard

And be a snowball hitting hard

Will I land in the street

And black and nasty I will be

Will I land on a hill

And give rides that thrill

Will I land in the grass

And become a snowman with a big...

Oh no, by a dog I will go

And become yellow snow