Embracing Waste-Free Communion: A Call for Sustainability in Church Practices

Although I am an American Christian, I can not take communion at my church. It is not that I haven’t often walked down the aisle or raised my hand with eyes appropriately closed to give my heart to Jesus. It is not that I haven’t been through discipleship classes preparing me for the event. Rather I can’t bring myself to participate in the disposable single use communion elements. 

When I think about the creation story, one of the greatest takeaways is the responsibility to care for Gods creation. If we believe God created the world for us and we love God it would make sense for us to take care of the gift he gave us. We should be the greatest advocates for the planet. 

Single use products are the epitome of convenience and wastefulness. Nothing is more easily avoided yet ubiquitous. 

The intersection of the worst example of wastefulness with the people that should care the most about creation is modern day communion. As much as I want to participate in our church’s celebration, I just can’t bring myself to do so. 

So… there was no other option but to create my own waste free elements. I decided to buy these little bottles that I refill with juice each Sunday. Then I grab crackers or bread or cookies from the house and put it all in a reusable bag. Why should we eat disgusting cardboard like crackers anyways? Something tasty make communion much more enjoyable! Some times I carry my bag out in the open proud of my small rebellion. Sometimes I hide it out of embarrassment. But always I enjoy my own elements during communion with zero waste. 

Would God be honored by the church caring deeply for His gift of creation? Can we see how unsustainable it is to embrace single use products? Consider moving communion from modern wastefulness to old school waste free. And until the system changes, feel free to join me in my rebellion and bring your own elements to church. 

I'm always interested in you thoughts; please comment below.

So I was watching Percy Jackson and the Olympians

I started watching Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I am a Christian. And the show was a little disturbing. But it wasn't for the reasons you might think. The problem was that I saw my own religion, my life, in the show.

Make Sacrifices

At one point the characters must make sacrifices to please the Gods. Percy was unfamiliar with this practice and the other ones explained it to him. They told him that he needed to give up something he really valued in order to get the attention of the gods. Then they might hear him and provide a beneficial answer. We are in the middle of our corporate fast at our church. Everyone is giving up something for 21 days. Some are fasting food, and others are sacrificing Facebook, tasty food, sugar, and who knows what. I have been skipping some lunches. I used to fast all my meals for the whole time, but I either lost the vision or strength. Watching that episode while being in the fast felt too similar.  Are we actually any different from the pagan followers in our practice of sacrificing to get God's attention?

Trust God for Help

Percy struggles with his relationship with Poseidon, his father. He faces various troubles and feels abandoned by Poseidon. He wonders aloud why his powerful father doesn't do something to help his situation. That was a little too close to home for me too and many of the psalmists. Where are you God? Why did you abandon me? Why do others tell me how faithful you were to them in the past? We in the church accept things "in faith" but such an answer is hollow for a logical and scientific world. Are we actually different from the pagan followers in our struggles with trusting God to show up when we need him?

Knowing our practices and struggles are very similar to pagans does not necessarily require us to change or abandon beliefs. It is possible that the practices and experiences could be similar and one god is true and other god's are not.

But what can we learn?

• We should recognize that some of our Christian practices bear similarity to pagan practices and those outside the church can see this.
• We should recognize that while Jesus' sacrifice may be unique within religions, our spiritual practices are not unique.
• We should recognize that Jesus lack of distinct interaction with us can be a significant stumbling block for people within and without the church.

I'm always interested in you thoughts; please comment below.

Calculating Depreciation on a planet

I have had the opportunity to serve a nonprofit retreat center, my family's  happy place, over the past decade on their board of directors. Years ago, just before I joined the board some business savvy directors recommend we begin to fund depreciation. It was a game changer for the ministry. As I thought back about this change, I thought about how the idea parallels environmental issues in our world.

Depreciation is the estimated value an asset loses over time according to the tax code. By setting aside that same amount of money each year, we believed that we would have the money we needed to maintain or repair the assets. Of course home owners are aware of this as well. Every year we must put some money in to the house to avoid it falling into disrepair. For many years the nonprofit did not put aside enough money for repairs, and it caused a great deal of stress. Often they would have to reach out in desperation to donors for emergency repairs. The maintenance costs are easily overlooked because they are:

1. Not very visible like roofs, boilers, and pipes which few see. 

2. Important not urgent

3. Slow to appear

4. Unwanted and our hope blinds us to reality. 

It was a game changer for the nonprofit when the board required the ceo to budget for depreciation. Suddenly the ceo could be proactive and begin to maintain the assets in such a way they would not fail. A great deal of stress was removed. 

Environmental degradation is a more like building degradation. 

1. It is not very visible because many of the effects are felt in far away place like under water, in poor countries, and in the polar regions. 

2. Important not urgent and so we figure the next generation can figure it out. 

3. Slow to appear so we don’t notice the changes around us. 

4. Unwanted and our hope blinds us to reality. 

We need to start setting aside money to fund the earth’s depreciation.  When we acquire anything at a cost below the true societal value, that cost difference must go somewhere. The cost may be borne by the Earth itself and/or by people with less power than ourselves. If every acquisition included the true costs to society and the earth we would begin to make wiser choices with our resources and we would have resources to fund the transition to a sustainable future. Of course, calculating these costs is complicated and determining how to use such funds just as hard; so I will leave that problem to the economists. 

Of course, this transition would have to be done in a careful step by step manner that would allow the economies of the world to adjust gradually. There exists a rate of change which balances the needs of the people’s planet and the people’s economies. But that ideal rate of change is not zero. 

Because we earthlings and especially we in the west have for years ignored the true costs of our acquisitions the earth is in a state of disrepair and we should begin to fund its depreciation. If we do not make difficult choices to do so now, we will find ourselves with a planet in complete disrepair. 

I'm always interested in you thoughts; please comment below.

Books I loved: Saving Us by Katharine Hayhoe

Many people have written about saving the planet. I love that Katharine Hayhoe writes about saving us because isn’t that why we need to save the planet? She points out that the planet has been around much longer than us and it will continue after us if need be. 

The other unique thing about the book is that Katharine is a Christian and an environmentalist. I know from personal experience that It is a bit of an odd combination. Her perspective allows her to communicate to the Christian world and inspire it. 

The most powerful point she made is that this problem can be solved, but it must be solved by changing systems rather than individuals changing their lifestyles. This means we all should be more environmentally conscience but that the climate can only be saved when our governments and institutions work together to change our systems. 

The second point that stuck with me was the ideas around cap and trade. The economies of our world have grown so quickly because we did not include the environmental cost in the equation. We either pushed that cost off to other entities and people’s or we pushed it out to future generations. Adding a carbon tax would allow us to incorporate the true cost of all our actions. Adding this gradually over time would allow our economies to adjust over time. The tax money could be used to help develop new carbon free systems and help displaced workers to transition. 

Finally Hayhoe reviewed all the alternate possible causes for global warming. Did you know the sun is actually in a cooling cycle right now while the planet is warming? She uses clear science to show that humanity is the only possible source for global warming. 

The other big standout was this books positivity. Although there is a lot to be sober about when we consider global warming, Hayhoe remains positive that we can yet save… Us. 

leaving is harder than I knew

I left evangelicalism. I actually still go to an evangelical church every Sunday, but I no longer identify with the broader community because of disagreements with how we have been acting and thinking these days.

It has been an unexpected emotional rollercoaster and it keeps on going. As I drifted apart from evangelicalism I experienced possibly the single greatest feeling of loss i ever had. I found myself losing:

• My identity
• My closest relationships
• My foundation

All this got me thinking as I am want to do. Evangelism is very important in Christianity. We invest very significant resources in time and money to tell others about Jesus. Missionaries work hard to convert Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, and the like to Christianity. Generally such stories are the highlight of every missionary’s sermon. Often they would share about the cost of following Jesus for those converts. Most importantly there was rejection by family and community. My attitude about this was truthfully very flippant seeing I fortunately had the exact truth and figured that in balance being as wise as me would be well worth the loss of relationship. 

But now having felt the inner turmoil of risking the potential displeasure and rejection of family and community, I can not be so flippant. 

Of course, I’m not a missionary, and converting the lost is not my full time job. But I do talk to people in a very diverse country in a diverse area of that country. What this does is make me more committed to the idea of talking about Jesus within trusted relationships where I  listen to the potential losses that people might experience by following Jesus, leaving behind paternalistic, narcissistic, quick fix and fear based forms of evangelism. 

Books I Loved: A Year of Biblical Womanhood

 A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans

True confession first. I am a Rachel Held Evans fanboy, so I think everything she writes is amazing. So there was never actually a question about whether I would review this book. I had been intrigued by this book for a while, but it just never made the leap from wish list to my account.

Rachel's idea was to live as literally as possible exactly as the Bible tells women to live for one year.

She researched womanhood in the Bible for a long while and then broke it into 12 big ideas many of which drew from the Proverbs 31 chapter. Each idea would be investigated over the 12 months. One month she called her husband master and assumed a role reminiscent of the I Dream of Genie TV show. They included numerous excerpts from his diary throughout the book, giving a lot of insights. One month she learned to cook and another she learned to sew. One she tried to get into the real estate business. Once she lived in a tent in the yard due to her monthly period. Just in case, Dan was just inside through an open window sleeping with his axe. One month she focused on cleaning, getting to know Marth Stewart very well.

One of the most powerful insights she has was that Proverbs 31 was written by one man praising his wife for who she was. It was not a list of rules from all women. And given how hard it was to achieve everything, it may have been a little hyperbolic even then. This is likely one of those places where the bible is being more descriptive than prescriptive. Of course, she is not saying any of the descriptions are bad or that Christians should not want to be like that proverbs 31 woman. But she is clear that women  trying to match their life precisely to that of the Proverbs 31 women are likely setting themselves up for overwhelm.

Another thing I liked a lot was it's balance. She clearly wanted to demonstrate to herself and others the impossibility of literally doing everything the Bible tells a woman to do, yet she never denigrates the skills she sought to learn. And she never shames the women that are striving to meet the Proverbs 31 standard. In fact she comes to value many of the investments she made. In particular she found that she enjoyed cooking much more than she ever realized, and cooking became an integral part of her life. I think that women that have successfully navigated Biblical Womanhood and those that feel crushed by the idea would benefit from her story.

I would recommend this book to any Christian woman that wants to think through her striving to be a good Christian woman. Additionally, I think it is great for any Christian man willing to learn about the struggle of Christian women. 

Coming Clean, My Spiritual Journey

Preface

I love Jesus. Most of the time I like Jesus. I am learning to love the church again. I am allowing myself to ask questions I never asked before. I don't ask because I want to degrade Jesus, but because I now think He is strong enough for my questions. These are thoughts as I continue my faith journey from deconstruction to reconstruction and beyond…

Prayer

God, for 45 years I lived as a very well behaved American Evangelical Christian. Then in 2016 all changed and I started asking questions I never allowed myself to ask before. That led me down a rabbit trail that changed my relationship with Jesus and the Church and my whole world. For a long time you and I have been the only ones that knew what was going on, but to be honest, it’s been stressful keeping this between you and me. It's really stressful to open up to others about this complicated journey too, but I don't think I can keep this to myself forever. Also, I am thinking about other people that are deconstructing their faith. I would like to be able to encourage them that there is faith in Jesus that is true and harmonious with science and their lived experience. 

Musings

It’s terrifying but it’s time for me to come out of the closet. I’m afraid I have become what I always feared, a Christian people talk about behind my back  

I remember a number of friends over the years that disappeared from church. One was in construction and started with Jesus and our church around middle age. He and his family became very involved for a few years and then they disappeared. Another business man was a part of the church for years with his family, and then he disappeared though his family stayed. I was perplexed at how they vanished. I judged them and imagined all kinds of stories about what might be going on. Now years later I am more like those I judged than the faithful church members. How will people judge me?

The last couple years, I have had an authenticity crisis. Whether assuming I am republican, or anti-gay, or anti-woke, it is very uncomfortable for me when people in my tribe make assumptions about my beliefs. Its a catch 22; I can let them know I disagree and risk isolation from my community or keep quiet and suffer from feelings of in-authenticity. So far the risk of isolation from my community has felt like the greater risk, and I have kept my mouth safely closed. Interestingly, I think I have had a small opportunity to understand how people from other religions feel when we Christians ask them to change to our religion. While there is no persecution for changing my relationship with the Evangelical Church, the thought of losing those relationships that have been so important for the last 50 years is terrifying. However, not living authentically for a long time has taken its toll, and I don't believe I can live this way forever while keeping good mental health.

Staying the Same

Let’s start with what has not changed before talking about what has changed.  I still believe the Apostle’s Creed and the Nicene Creed. These cornerstone documents have guided the Christian church for centuries. One day as I struggled with the modern Church, I looked these documents up. It was so exciting! I thought, "Now this is something I can believe in!" I still identify myself as a Jesus follower. I still look to the Bible for wisdom and direction; in fact, I am much more inspired and dedicated to understanding the Bible, reading and studying more than I have been for years. I'm still going to church.

Changes

So what has changed? I no longer identify as an Evangelical Christian. That label has so much baggage in the public square that the label is simply embarrassing to me. And the label presumes many beliefs that I no longer share.

Theological

Though I consider that the Bible is inspired, “God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,“  I no longer look at the Bible as I always did.

Previous	Current
Historically accurate in the modern sense	The ancients had different purposes and intents in relaying history
Primarily literal	Literal at times, but not always
Written to me	Written to others and for me
Myopic view consisting of rules and promises	God's wisdom expressed most clearly through the macro view
Inerrant	Inerrancy not required to be God's revelation
Easily interpreted by me	Subject to my internal biases
Neat and clean	Messy, confusing, and even disturbing
Generally prescriptive	Often only descriptive
Internally Consistent	Internally Inconsistent
My tribe and I never pick and choose what we want to believe	Every Christian picks and chooses what we want to believe
Evangelicals had the right interpretation	Many wise Christians in our world and in our past have different yet faithful interpretations

I see the Bible as the story of God and man rather than a rulebook for life. Imagine people from all walks of life, all the Biblical authors, sitting around a table. Listen as they discuss their journey with God. They share many stories. They have many perspectives, many of which are consistent with each other, but many are not. They speak to one another, and we listen in, but they are not speaking to us, and they don't share our culture, even though we have someone translating for us. I think the Bible is more like this.

I’ve changed my understanding of many Bible stories  I used to believe the creation story was historically accurate aside from timing. But now I don’t think the Bible is trying to relate history as we understand it. The story may be allegorical or representational and I’m completely okay with that. I think that theistic evolution is the tool that God used to create the animals and people. The geologic, DNA, and fossil science is simply too compelling  and I’m okay with God doing it that way. Noah’s flood was probably a catastrophic local flood that was tragic and worldwide as they understood the world but not worldwide as we understand the world. 

There was a time I thought I could be certain about the meaning of parts of the Bible. But now I realize that the strain for certainty robs the life from the Bible, encourages pride, division, dogmatism, and fundamentalism, and isolates the church from those outside we are called to help.  My philosophy is that I should do my very best to understand truth, yet no matter how hard I work or how confident I am, I should not close my ears to other opinions or evidence.

When it comes to salvation, I still value my relationship with Jesus and being "Born Again." I believe this special relationship makes a way for me to reach heaven. However, I hope that some of the progressive theologians I have read are correct that more people will be welcomed into heaven than just those that have been born again according to our modern American Evangelical construct.

Political

It is "common knowledge" that evangelical Christians are also Republicans. That used to be me, but I no longer have a clear affinity to either political party, seeing Jesus in parts of both parties. Everything changed with Trump's ascendance in 2016. In many years Christians voted for Republican candidates holding their noses because of some candidates less than ideal character. But, after maligning Bill Clinton for his lack of character, in 2016 Christians EMBRACED Trump in spite of his HORRID character. This sent me into a political tailspin that left me right in the middle with no political home. 

Cultural Issues

My perspective on the culture war has changed greatly. Most importantly, I don't think we should be at war with the culture, because there is no way to bring Jesus' whole-hearted life to people that don't like or trust Christians.

I can no longer categorically say that being LGBT and Christian is an oxymoron. I was always taught that LGBT people were those that had forsaken God and because of that had become LGBT. While that may be true in some cases, there are others that sincerely love God and yet have same sex attraction they can't shake. It is difficult for Christianity to deal with LGBT people that grow up in the Church and desperately pray and seek to change their sexuality to no avail. We believe that

• God makes each person, 
• God answers prayers which are in line with His will, and that 
• God does not tempt us with beyond what we can endure.

This reality and these beliefs are in conflict. 

Furthermore, analysis of the "6 Critical Passages regarding LGBT people" initiate enough doubt that the plain reading of the English text is not actually plain. So while I may not be fully affirming (yet?), I am closer to that than fully non-affirming.

However, even if tomorrow someone proved without a doubt that gay is sinful, every Christian I have known is sinful in some ways. We will all die sinful and the only hope for anyone is Jesus' grace. Why would we treat being gay different from being unloving or unforgiving?

I grew up listening faithfully to Focus on the Family, which taught me everything I know about a Christian family. I learned a lot of good things that benefitted my family, so I appreciate the help. But I also picked up some rather patriarchal ideas that I now believe are inconsistent with Christianity. So I changed from a complementarian view of women to an egalitarian one.

As a kid I grew up going to marches for Life in Washington DC, and fighting against Abortion. While I think that the fewer abortions the better. I think the Christian strategy with respect to abortion is terrible. We are trying to gain political power to force people to not have abortions, and yet we are doing little to support poor women that refuse abortion or intellectually convince people to refuse them. Rather we should focus on love, trust, and persuasion; and we should support life better at all ages.

I was born white middle class and naïve. I heard an amazing quote, "Most of the people that benefit from racism, have no idea they are." This struck me to the heart, and as I tested this in my life, I saw it to be true. Though, I have always considered myself to "not have a racist bone in my body," I have learned with more introspection that I have biases in my thinking that are racially motivated. As I uncover these biases, I can work on them, but as long as I am unaware, I risk unintentionally hurting people I value. Additionally, the study of power dynamics and oppression using tools such as CRT should continue albeit with great care. It is both important to understand these social dynamics and to not be overwhelmed by them.

If it is true that African Americans are as a community less well off economically than the White American community, one of two things must be true.

1. Their community is less intelligent and less able
2. The oppression their community faced historically has caused the problem

I can not accept number 1, so I must accept 2. Believing 2, I feel we have some duty to help restore the African American community even at some sacrifice of our own.

I wish the word woke did not exist. It is horrible because it is wholly undefined, because everyone defines it their own way. According to my definition, I am woke because I woke up to the plight of the less powerful in our country. It is a horrible word we throw back and forth like a grenade to wound the "other." It closes down conversation and prevents compromise.

I wish we had universal healthcare in the United States. I believe the argument against it is primarily one of selfishness by the people like me that have reasonable healthcare currently. We look at healthcare as finite, and assume that if more people entered the system that we would receive less or lower quality care. While I don't want my care to suffer so that others that don't have healthcare can have more, Jesus taught that we should think more about others than ourselves. Surely there would be problems transitioning, but we could make it work. Could the most prosperous country in the history of the world not figure how to provide healthcare to all its people?

And finally I am a radical-ish environmentalist. Actually, this is not new. I have always felt responsible for the creation around us. I have always wanted us to work sacrificially to preserve the Earth the best we can for the benefit of future generations. However, the depth of my commitment to the environment has grown through my journey.

Attitude

The American Evangelical Church lives in a state of fear of the world around it. I can no longer live this way. They desire to use power rather than persuasion to do the "work of God." I can no longer work this way. They are rightly seen by the culture as angry and bitter. I can no longer be a part of this. I desire to, trusting Jesus, enter into peoples lives in such a way that we can trust each other and enter in discussions which provide the opportunity for persuasion.

Conclusion

It is rather funny in some sense. Many Christians and many outside the Christian faith would look at this revelation of Tom, and think "So what? All this makes sense." But for me these ideas are so radical to the Evangelical bubble I grew up in, that I am weirdly nervous about letting people read it. My thinking brain says that the people that care about me will still care about me, but the lizard brain sees the future me with a scarlet letter walking around Annapolis.

I am not the person I used to be. Am I better? Worse? Am I more or less Christian? What Would Jesus Think about me? I think I am following Jesus better now, but I may be wrong and I am still on a journey. I am not certain, and certainty is no longer my goal, for certainty is a poor guide. I am on a journey to know Jesus better, and I expect some twists and turns in this path. But, Jesus and I are good; we are committed to each other more than ever. If you are a friend I hope we continue our friendship unchanged. If you have questions and want me to explain more, or if you want to challenge me on some points, I would be happy to have a conversation.

Books I Loved: Baby Dinosaurs on the Ark?

Baby Dinosaurs on the Ark

By Janet Kellogg Ray

I used to think that the only Christian way was to believe in a literal Creation Story. Now I realize that many Christians have a view of Creation which harmonizes well the Bible and science. Janet Ray, a career scientist and lifelong Christian, produced an easy to read and excellent book on creation and science.

She grew up in an evangelical church believing in a literal interpretation of the Creation story. But she was always a respecter of science. As she grew up and in her science career, she had to face inconsistencies between science and the faith of her youth. She knew that any yielding of faith to science would initiate the dreaded slippery slope bring her faith crashing down,... but it did not. Many people have walked a similar journey from faith to... faith.

Ray looks at a number of the Bible stories from many perspectives including paleontology, geology, and biology. These including the Creation Stories and the Flood Story. She also spends a good time evaluating evolution and explaining the science related to it. It was helpful to hear from here how God remains creative, powerful, and amazing even when we allow science to have input into how we interpret the Bible.

What I really liked was the feeling that I was not a weirdo. I felt so out of place as a Christian and Scientist in a bubble that favored young earth creationism. Reading this book let me know that there are faithful Christians who believe in Science and Jesus and don't see them as incompatible. I strongly recommend this book to anyone that wants to retain Jesus and Science.