When Christians go to church, we are often “Fine” and “To blessed to be depressed.” But if most are anything like me, underneath those platitudes are hidden real faith journeys that are messy and scary at times. My faith journey has been much more of an adventure than I expected or even let on.
No Faith Years (0-11)
From birth to 11, my family was religious but not genuinely Christian. We went to church regularly, but it was not out of sincere devotion. It was more out of habit, responsibility, and desire for community.
Parent’s Faith Years (11-13)
Around 11 my parents dedicated their lives to Jesus and told the rest of our family about Jesus, and we jumped on that ship. For the next few years, I followed Jesus as an extension of my parent’s faith. We became active in a church that was very focused on Jesus and tried to follow Him according to the Bible. It was enough that my parents told me what to believe.
My Youth Group Faith Years (14-17)
Then somewhere around 13 or 14, there was an unimpressive yet significant turning point in my life. I read the Bible that day and realized that what the preachers and teachers said at church was actually in the Bible. That simple connecting of the dots helped me turn a corner and make faith my own rather than my parent’s. I believed there was something in following Jesus that was true and advantageous to me individually. Our church had a fantastic youth group (another story) and surrounded by other Christian youth, my faith grew. Positive peer pressure was positively helpful to keep me on the straight and narrow.
Sincere, Naive Faith (18-40)
However, youth group faith is a distinct time that changes after high school graduation. It’s not that youth group faith is less in any way, it’s just not always challenged and purified through testing. In my case, I did not leave the faith even temporarily after high school, as many do. However, my faith did change as I became an adult. During this time I was whole hog for following Jesus and serving him in my church. I was a loyal soldier and did not ask hard questions. I taught classes, led small groups, went on mission trips, was a church board member and even married a girl I met at church. I was something of a poster child, er poster adult for the Christian church.
Questioning Faith (40+)
We have a family favorite vacation destination called Sandy Cove. It is an excellent place to go for summer family camp. One year there was a man named Richard Dahlstrom speaking. I loved his insight, and wanted to read his book, O2: Breathing New Life into Faith. The book was great, and there was one story that I will never forget. Richard had gone to Germany to preach and help. They did church work all day, and he was very encouraged by this. But then night came, and even the sweet, older ladies began throwing down beers. This revelation greatly shocked Richard’s American Church Theology. But after soul searching, he decided that other people could be Christian and drink beer, an idea that was strange to me. I lived the story vicariously through Richard. It was the first time I had ever considered that something part of my local church, or the American Church, could be cultural and not part of universal Christian Truth. That idea really surprised me, and it released me, for good or ill, to explore many aspects of Christianity. I began to ask questions I would never ask before, and I read books from Christian dissidents that love the Church, but have ideas about things we can do better.
This freedom compelled me to ask: What in my beliefs were cultural and not universal for all Christians? Was there anything I believed that could be wrong? Why and what do other Christians think differently than me? Is the church doing anything dumb? Why do Christians seem to have a bad rap?
All of this shook my faith. Things that I always accepted out of hand, I questioned. I walked a scary road. I was afraid to keep pulling on these strings, fearful of what I would find, and afraid not authentically to pull strings. I feared to lose the comfortable community I loved.
Part of the problem was that I did not recognize the difference between personal and cultural Christian preferences and the fundamental truths in scripture. So when I began to question these preferences, which is okay, I thought I was questioning the fundamental truths of Christianity. I found that I had to intentionally separate the fundamental Christian truths and the cultural preferences .
In the end, I did lose quite a bit of my American faith, letting go of or holding loosely to Christian cultural, preferential, and peripheral issues. What remained was refined and pure. It was brick-like so that while my faith included less and was more skeptical, it was indeed better. In the end, I held onto two foundations of faith. God created the world, and Jesus came to the world to save it. These two beliefs sustain me, and everything else in my faith rests on them.
My faith journey was scary at times, but I believe God was there. I think I was more scared of hard questions than He was. I feel like God has allowed some things in my theology to burn up so I could understand what genuinely foundational Truth is. I pray that your faith journey will bring you to a place of deep trust in Jesus.
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