Pacifist or Protector

I am standing in between two powerful ideas. Pacifism has hold of my left hand and responsibility has hold of my right. Each is pulling me desperately toward its ideal while I am desperately trying to stay my ground in the balance. But, the balance is so hard to define, I feel I am standing firm in quicksand.

My pacifism is deeply rooted in the teachings of Jesus. Famously He said, "But here is what I tell you. Do not fight against an evil person. Suppose someone hits you on your right cheek. Turn your other cheek to him also.” https://www.bible.com/bible/110/MAT.5.39.NIRV. 

Furthermore, the apostle Paul said,

"17 Don't pay back evil with evil. Be careful to do what everyone thinks is right. 18If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.

19My friends, don't try to get even. Leave room for God to show his anger. It is written, "I am the One who judges people. I will pay them back," (Deuteronomy 32:35) says the Lord. 20Do just the opposite. Scripture says, "If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat.

If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.

By doing those things, you will pile up burning coals on their heads." (Proverbs 25:21,22)

21 Don't let evil overcome you. Overcome evil by doing good.

Having absorbed these teachings thoroughly, I don’t want to get revenge or pay back evil with evil, but instead be charitable to those that hate me.

On the other have, I am naturally a very responsible person. I feel entirely responsible for the protection of my family and even other innocents. I would forever live mired in regret if someone in my family or even an innocent stranger died, and I had failed to do what was within my power to help.

The Bible is not silent on responsibility for others. In Proverbs it says:

Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. https://www.bible.com/bible/111/PRO.24.11.NIV

So am I a pacifist or a protector? Or somehow both?

These questions have captured my mind because my heart has been wrenched by the senseless shootings that seem to occur on a regular basis these days. Like many, I was impressed by the man in Texas that likely saved many lives by engaging the killer at the San Antonio church. He was trained and ready when he was needed.

The follow-on question is then, “Should I seek to become an armed citizen?"

Is that the appropriate next step for a responsible protector? For a pacifist? I would have to be well trained so that I would be safe and wise and useful. It would require an investment of time and money to become proficient. Most likely I would never need the skills. But if I needed them and did not have them…

Let’s dig into that a little too. Is this all about my happiness (I would be sad if I could not help) or about what is the right thing to do, what God would want for me? Of course, I am admittedly self-centered, but I think this question is more than my peace in a troubled world.

And shouldn’t I just be trusting Jesus anyways? Is this a form of taking control of something I should leave up to Him? This is a great question, but I think the answer is, “No.” I think it was God’s perfect will for the people in the San Antonio church to all be alive today, although He permitted the gunman to kill people there. If a policeman had been at the church and shot the man dead first, I don’t think anyone would be concerned that they were alive against the will of God.

So I remain seeking answers to these two mind-numbing questions:

Am I a pacifist or a protector?

Should I seek to become an armed citizen?

Christian and Engineer, How can that Be?

Scientist. Christian. Science. Theology. Fact. Faith. Tactile. Spiritual. Questioning. Accepting. Concrete. Fuzzy.

and

Creator. Creator. Designer. Designer. Thinker. Thinker.

There are some very fundamental differences between the scientific/engineering mind and Christianity. Yet there are some critical synergies as well.

I am an engineer through and through. If I took 100 placement tests, every one would scream at me to go into engineering. Have you read the Dilbert cartoons? I am there. Have you seen a movie about NASA? I am one of those people. Yet, I am Christian through and through. I believe God exists, and He created everything around us. I think that some how God guides me and helps me. And I recognize that I am something of an oxymoron. 

To some extent the Christian Scientist is a homeless person. My Christian tribe doesn’t connect with the whole logic tests, and fact finding, and questioning that I bring to my faith. And my Scientific community doesn’t connect with the whole faith thing. Sometimes fellow Christians are bubbly about something "God did", and rather than rejoice, I question. Sometimes, my scientific  community rejoices over a new discovery, and rather than rejoice, I think that maybe the natural, old fashioned way is better.

But I have developed some coping skills for living in this strange no man’s land.

1) It’s okay to not be mystical/emotional

I have often felt less of a Christian because I did not “feel the Spirit in this place” the way, apparently, every other person in the church does. I have often felt less of a Christian because I do not have God “speaking to me” on a regular basis. At times I was jealous of others because I wanted that confidence they seemed to have. But now I allow God to interact with me in a way that is appropriate for how He made me. I can rejoice for friends with very mystical, emotional relationships with God, without being jealous. My relationship with God is much more concrete. It centers around the scriptures and concrete prayer.

2) Focus on Creation.

As scientists, and especially as engineers, we are driven by creativity. We build the new things that make the world turn. God too is a creator and it is one of the most powerful ways for a scientist to connect to God. I see amazing parallels between the design process I use and what God used. For me the second law of Thermodynamics and the concept of irreducible complexities center my beliefs in this area. 

The second law states that any closed system must move toward chaos. This rules out a universe of infinite age since the world is not purely chaotic.  Therefore, there had to be a time of creation where order was brought from disorder. This creative act must have be done by The Creator. 

An irreducible complexity is a system that can not be broken down into smaller parts and still function. I think a one cell organism is a great example of this. You can’t break it down any more. It is as simple as it gets. Therefore, the initial creative step would have to be from disorder to a fully functioning cell; intermediate steps are not possible. To me the only plausible explanation for such a phenomenon is a creator God. 

3) Connect through the Facts and Logic

Apologetics is a useful area of study. Many people such as Louis Pasteur, Josh McDowell, and Lee Strobel have spent years exploring the facts about God. We are not the first ones asking questions. Read their research and be encouraged. Allow yourself to ask hard questions. If this is Truth, it will stand up to  criticism. You will end up throwing away some Christian trinkets, but the faith that remains will be much stronger. 

4) Focus on a Few Irrefutable God Sightings

There are only a few interactions I have had with God that I am completely confident were Him. I am sure He has helped me many other times, but there are some doubts or questions. It is better for me to strengthen my faith with a focus on those few times where I know God helped me, and not worry that I don’t have a bountiful list like others.

Living in the no man’s land between science and faith is a lonely scary, place at times. But it can be a good place when we allow God to have a meaningful relationship with us that is appropriate for how we are created.